It’s early, around 6:37 AM. I’m on my first cup of coffee. I’ve been fiddling around with my facebook and youtube channel already. I managed to copy the new worship video I made to my thumb drive and it’s all ready to go for church today. I’ve also managed to feed and water my cat, his name is Velcro. I named him that because he is a clingy little monster and he is stubborn as a mule. He loves his daddy.
It’s been a good while since I have spent any time writing, so you will forgive me if I am not quite up to speed with this. I have thought long and hard on what kind of a blog I would like to make. I can’t really seem to narrow my focus down to one thing. I’ve decided to make it about whatever is on my mind, at any given time, on any given day. Hopefully someone else will love it. I’ve heard a good writer say once, “If you enjoy reading what you write, there is a good chance someone else out there will to”
I think that’s the best advice I have ever been given.
This has been a really funky summer for Cybrdroyd. I am usually out riding my bike. I haven’t felt motivated to do so this year. I somehow managed to build a new pc however. It’s still not quite finished. I’m saving my money for a pair of video cards my friend Redmaxx is selling me. He has been extremely helpful in the design and building of my new rig. I’ve bought most of the parts from him. He’s an extreme fps gamer, while I tend to gravitate toward the rpgs and mmos and strategy titles. You know, thinking man’s games.
This year I have come a long way in terms of my own personal spiritual journey. Last year I was a raving alcoholic. Oh it started out all innocent and harmless. A few beers at a barbecue here and there, a six pack at home while playing video games. I had stepped down from teaching bible studies because I knew my heart wasn’t quite where it should be. I was dealing with a lot of past hurts. Things I don’t wish to discuss, honestly. It is what it is.
December of last year it all came to a head. I was stocking my freezer with Yaeger and Goldschlager, and my fridge was packed with PBR’s, and there were stacks of empty beer cases on my porch. I knew it was time to stop. At least for a while. So, on New Year’s Eve, I made a spur of the moment decision to dump all my alcohol down the sink. I resolved not to drink in 2013. I texted my church brother Brad to give him the news. A little while later, he showed up with another brother from church, Tonto, to celebrate my sobriety. He had bottles of sparkling grape juice, noise makers and some cheesy new years eve hats to celebrate the occasion. It was one o’clock in the morning on New Year’s and the three of us were having a blast on grape juice!
Truthfully, that meant a lot to me. Someone out there cared enough to want to celebrate my new beginning. It went a long way in helping me stay on track, and to stay sober. I was accountable to them now. They themselves have had their own battles with substance abuse. They now had a stake in my recovery. I owe something to them, not just to me.
I learned a long time ago about the power of confession. I’ve done things in my life that I am truly ashamed of. I discovered that if I confess my sins to my brethren, that satan can no longer torment me with the guilt. It’s so true. I spent years feeling like a horrible person inside for some of the things I have done, things that hurt someone I was deeply infatuated with. Hateful things. I shared my story with a close friend, and she just edified me so much for doing it. I was convinced she would never speak to me again if I shared what I had done. Quite the opposite. That moment set me free.
There was another friend I chose to share my story with. He reacted the same way. It felt very good to get those things off my chest. However, later on, that same friend would use the information against me in the middle of a heated argument, he would use it to hurt me. He is no longer my friend. I discovered I could no longer trust him. It’s sad because I really thought he was a cool guy. Honestly he’s kind of a dick.
So, here we are, it’s 7:08 AM, and I am on my second cup of coffee. I’m about to wrap this thing up. I am looking forward to service today. Pastor Scott will have some good spiritual food for us, as always. I have a new worship video I put together yesterday with the help of my good friend Krissy. I also managed to find my thumb drive with some more videos I had done before. God is so good.
He is truly a god of second chances. Proverbs 24:16 says a righteous man falls seven times and rises again. Today I feel like the phoenix rising from the ashes. Good things are coming my way. I may not feel it, and I may not see it this day, but one day soon it will come. I will have my prayers answered. For now though, I put my hand to the plow, and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep on going. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I know one thing. God will bring me through whatever challenges I may face. I am confident in this.
I will see you very soon.